Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize