i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
