Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
