I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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