I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
