Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
