Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
