I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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