This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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