the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
