I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
