she woke up with a sticky ear
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize