She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
