My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
