I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
