whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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