What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
