Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
