I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
