Your dad touched me again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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