textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
