One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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