that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
