probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
