She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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