I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
