Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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