What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
