I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she woke up with a sticky ear
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
