We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
