her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
