this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
