His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
