Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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