just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've blown a few things in my day
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
