Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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