Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
