I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
