At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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