I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
