I smell stomach acid.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
