literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am naked and annoyed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
