Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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