she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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