i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
