Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
