Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
