3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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