Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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