if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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