I skipped work to stalk him.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just forgot I was standing up.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
