i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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