I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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