I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
