My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
