my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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