We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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