i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
