DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
