Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
