MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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