I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
