I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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