I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
