I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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