Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
