I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
