yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
