In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
