The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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