I need help removing her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
two words: eviction party
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
