Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
