And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
