I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
