Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just googled if crying burns calories
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
