No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
