Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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