She is in my trunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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