Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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